The [Real] Lazarus Effect

During one of my quality quiet times with the Lord, it dawned on me; I found the story of Lazarus’s death and resurrection a simple, yet profound illustration of Salvation, that is, the unresponsiveness of those “dead” in their sin and the Call to Life by the Lord Jesus Christ.

“Interestingly timed” (please note the quotations), at the raining down and organization of Scripture verses, I happen to type in “Lazarus” online, and realized there was a movie entitled, “The Lazarus Effect”. Therefore, instead of waiting to edit a slew of other blog entries, including this one, I figured this would be the opportune time to share the real Lazarus effect.

Like Lazarus, we were DEAD:

“…Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” (John 11:11-15 NIV)

“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins…” (Ephesians 2:1 NIV)

Like those mourning the death of Lazarus, we were ALL unresponsive, unwilling, and unable to respond to that which is Alive: 

“On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.” (John 11:17-19 NIV)

“As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.’” (Romans 3:10-12 NIV)

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23 NIV)

“The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.” (Romans 8:7-8 NIV)

“They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.” (Ephesians 4:18-19 NIV)

Like the Call to Life to Lazarus, those who have been Called [by name] were also made Alive by Christ:

“…Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face…” (John 11:43-44a NIV)

“Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God— the gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his earthly life was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit of holiness was appointed the Son of God in power by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 1:1-4 NIV)

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.” (John 15:16 NIV)

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27 NIV)

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” (Ephesians 1:4-6 NIV)

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” (Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV)

“There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Ephesians 4:4-6 NIV)

“We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19 NIV)

In closing, “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?’” (John 11:25-26 NIV)  If so, then, He has Called you. If not, then you are dead; and if you feel in any way uncomfortable, I pray that that is what I phrase, “the contractions of your Calling.”

May the Lord be glorified.

Be blessed.

My Birth, Your Day

Today is my Birthday and the perfect opportunity to shine the light on those who are the most deserving to be recognized, those completely responsible for my Birth Day: Father God and His vessel, my mother.

Although I’m grateful for the last 32 years of my life, my Birthday is not about Me. I did absolutely NOTHING to be born. I had no say so in the process; not before, not during, and not after. Therefore, I live for You, and I can only hope and pray that I make You proud with the Life you have given me.

I Love You Father…I Love You Mimi…Thank you.

I celebrate, You.

My Birth Day is all about You.

Like A Bomb

I’m laying down on my couch watching a Documentary on Oprah’s channel, OWN, called “Louder than a Bomb” that I DVR’d about a week ago. It’s a show about 4 teenagers from Chicago and their respective teams, competing in the world’s largest poetry slam. I am of course loving the show as I watch young, talented, inspired poets perform their pieces. At the very end of the show and competition, there was a Spirit Award given to an 18 yr old kid who was recognized for his support, attending every single show and having touched the lives of so many people both as a talent and as a person. When his name was announced, the camera turns towards his parents and zooms in just in time to catch their reaction. I was surprised by my own [unexpected] reaction. My eyes got watery and my throat choked up…as the tears came down the side of my face, so did the inspiration to write this blog.

(I literally have the show on pause as I’m writing this…)

The genuine, loving reaction from this kid’s parents was a revelation for me. Eventhough I didn’t expect myself to get emotional watching a show about a poetry competition, I instantly understood why.

I realized the importance and significance of support from one’s mother and/or father. This helped me recognize the lack of support in my own life as a child. It also triggered a vivid moment in memory; a moment during a reunion this past Thanksgiving, with a family we grew very close to when we lived in Salem, MA. While catching up on our lives, they pulled out a VHS tape of my sister’s 8th grade graduation. At the graduation’s “after-party”, I saw my 7 yrs old-self standing in front of everyone in the kitchen, dancing and performing my ass off (literally). I have absolutely NO recollection of this whatsoever. As the handycam circles and captures everyone in the room I see (and so significantly FELT) the pain in my mother’s aura, and across from her is a manifestation of the lack of love, support and disconnect from my “father” that I have felt my entire life and have grown to understand.

Man…I felt so bad for that kid…

I am not writing this to complain about my upbringing nor for anyone to feel pity for me, but to share how I’ve come to recognize and embrace WHY I am how I am, WHO I’ve become thus far, and how I’ve learned to value the true meaning of empathy.

As cliche as it may sound, every single bit of everything we go through is for a reason. I believe that this reason is not only to build character, but also to learn how to become compassionate and empathetic to those who have gone through similar experiences. I believe we are taught to teach, hence why I am SO willing to be as vulnerable as I am, to give you the raw and absolute naked Eric De La Cruz, along with all of the “baggage” that comes with me, with the hopes of being a lesson to those who feel me.

Growing up with the lack of support that I did from my “father” has instilled the will in me to fight for my dreams and “attention I deserve.” It also taught me that a person’s inability to show love and support is not his or her “fault”, its the purpose to teach the lesson(s) they failed to recognize at the time to someone else.

So, I ask Life to continue to build my character, my friends and family to check me when I am wrong, and for God to continue to give me the strength and wisdom to turn all of those experiences into steps towards my ultimate purpose. I am NOT afraid. I am fearlessly willing to walk through the fires of Hell barefoot wearing a North Face coat and scarf with the faith in knowing what God has already promised me and with the intentions of passing that wisdom on to anyone who is prepared to receive it.

Every failure and “bad” experience is a blessing in disguise. Learn how to decipher and embrace it as such in order to pass that blessing forward.

God Bless.

Now let me finish watching the show…

My Birth Day

I overcame my very first obstacle before taking my first breath. A few years back, out of the inspiration of a concept for a song, I asked my mother the story behind the day I was born. I never had an incling about what I was about to hear. All I was looking for was factual information that I can use as lyrical content for this particular song.

I was born to a man that didn’t want anything to do with me and a mother who didn’t want anything to do with him.  In 1978, my family moved back to the Dominican Republic from New York because my “father” grew tired of the states. While in DR, my mother found out she was pregnant with me and was considering an abortion because she didn’t want to have another baby by my abusive “father.” She visited a doctor in Bani to inquire information about abortions and found out that the clinic didn’t have the capabilities to do it. She then heard about her cousin living in Santo Domingo who recently had an abortion and went to visit her to ask her questions about the process, etc. One day while attending her, my mother’s cousin got up from bed to use the bathroom and left a trail of blood. This scared the *#%$ out my mother, so much that it changed her mind…and saved my Life.

How can I not believe I’m here for a purpose?

Happy Birthday to me.

The Power in Vulnerability

I remember having a conversation with a close relative about vulnerability. It was very interesting to find out that our definitions were completely opposite.  That person feels vulnerability has a negative connotation and is synonymous with being weak. I beg to differ.

I believe there is power in vulnerability. Vulnerability to me is like being naked.  Naked in the sense of being consciously defenseless, willingly open, and fully prepared for the experience (whether “negative” or positive) one is allowing themselves to be susceptible to. You have the choice to be vulnerable and in that choice lies the wisdom, self-confidence, and power of vulnerability.  You can choose NOT take your clothes off, to NOT enter that relationship, and to NOT express yourself and your true feelings as a way of protecting yourself from the potential outcome of that experience.

To me, the fearlessness of allowing yourself to be vulnerable demonstrates your desire and willingness to grow and mature as a human being.  Character is built through experiences and Wisdom is the result of that occurrence.  Because I am constantly seeking to better myself, I’ve learned to embrace the unknown with the faith that the findings will be the building blocks to the “Super-Me.”  Negativity is only what you perceive it to be.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable to the experiences that are meant to transform you to the Best-You.

Be Free.

The ImPerfectionist

I never thought that my determination for perfection would have its side-effects.  The conditions of the Perfectionist Syndrome is one that I’ve been struggling with for the past 30 years of my life and am now becoming aware of it. I have found it ironic how my drive to be and/or make things ‘perfect’ can motivate me to do some things and actually hinder my progress in others, but the most significant realization in my strive towards perfection is that I can sometimes lose sight of the “finish line” of what it is that I’m striving for.

Once the visual of me running in place subsided, I began to become more conscious of my symptoms.  I realized that a by-product of being a perfectionist is an unconscious fear of action. For example, I’ve been afraid to record multiple tracks in fear that they wouldn’t come out as ‘perfect’ as I hear them in my head.  I realized that I can re-record a song a million times in effort to make it ‘perfect’, but then never feel comfortable releasing it because I’d always think I can make it better.  I also became aware of finding fault in people and/or relationships due to my own expectations, which then led me to the realization that a perfectionist does not know how or when to settle.

I have come to understand that there is a very fine line between work ethic and the tedious traits of a perfectionist and I am still learning how to differentiate the two.  However, the realizations that I’ve listed and am learning to embrace have given me a sense of freedom from the imprisonment of my own un-productivity and procrastination.  I no longer strive for perfection because that’s an understood; I now strive to find a median.

Your “perfect” may not be perfect, but it’s as perfect as it should be.

The Text Message

I was having a conversation with Ma’Angel yesterday. The subject matter had to do w/ HOW I say things and the possibility of my words being misinterpreted. I told her that what I say, “especially to You,” comes from a place of Love and that I only say what I KNOW I feel in my Heart, as I’ve always done and will continue to do. Then I asked the question: “What if…what IF God…the same God we praise and believe in…was speaking through me? Would you still be this defensive?”

Late-er that night, before bed, I opened my Bible to read an excerpt that was given to me almost a week ago about Visions and Revelations. I’ve been meaning to read it, but just haven’t gotten around to doing so. I skimmed the Bible to find the Book of Proverbs, opened it to find the verse I was looking for (Proverbs 29:18) and the FIRST THING that pops out at me is: .

I immediately took a picture of the “Living Insight” and sent Ma’Angel a text message before I even got to what I was initially looking for.

“Coincidences” are one of God’s forms of communication.

Be Blessed.

A Prodigal Story: Art Imitating Life

It was the second time I’d ever been to this church, Crenshaw Christian Center East (CCC East). I was undergoing yet another trying time in my Life and felt the need to seek answers, seek Truth, and seek GOD. One of the many awakening revelations I experienced during this time was the realization that I unconsciously took GOD for granted for a very long time. This [realization] was my initiative to make a conscious effort to change the habit of placing GOD in a drawer whenever I thought that I was ‘in control.’ It’s ironic how one of my darkest phases became the catalyst to one of the most significant transformations of my Life.

I was sitting in the very front row with my Acting Coach, Tony Felton, listening to [Pastor] Uncle Baltimore give the announcements of the day. He mentioned that the Arts Ministry was looking for Actors for the Christmas Play and when he did, my heart reacted like a metal detector beeping at a steel breast plate on my chest. I looked up at him with a contradictory face of surprised confusion. Tony leaned over to me and said, “I feel compelled to sign up, are you going to join me?” I looked back at him, and with an uncertain tone said, “Nah…I don’t want to commit to anything right now…”

At the end of service when everyone was dismissed, a friend of mine, Marlon, walked up to greet me. I met and clicked with him the day before at a Men’s Fellowship Luncheon sponsored by the church. As we’re talking, from the corner of my eye, I noticed a man weaving through human traffic from all the way in the back of the church looking DIRECTLY at me. He was looking SO HARD at me that I started to feel uncomfortable. When he finally got to me, he introduced himself, “Hi, my name is Jesse Kearney and I’m the writer of the Play. The Spirit led me to you. Please tell me you’re going to sign up for my play…?” My Heart reacted again. I’ve NEVER met this man and even though my Heart was uneasy from what I was about to say, I responded, “Hmm…nah…but my man Tony is though!” Jesse looked at Tony then back at me and said, “Yea, but what about YOU?!!”

He walked away to lead Tony to the sign-up sheet while I wrapped up my conversation with Marlon. As Tony and I got ready to leave, my Heart wouldn’t let me. It still felt uneasy, unsettled. So I turned around and said, “T, give me a few, I need to go talk to Jesse real quick…”

I walked up to Jesse and asked him to give me the background of play. He said, “The Play is a modernized version of the Biblical story, ‘The Prodigal Son’, where the [younger] brother receives his portion of his father’s inheritance [money] TO RECORD A DEMO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BECOME A HIP-HOP ARTIST!!” (WHHHAAAAAATTT?!!) I sighed and looked down in amazement and said…”…My man, that’s me…I AM the Prodigal Son…” Jesse then looked back at me with a confident, ‘Dude, I know! I told you the Spirit led me to you!’ attitude and said exactly that. At that point in time, I made the internal commitment to take on the LEAD ROLE in, “Sinners and Saints: A Prodigal Story.” Mind you, I’ve NEVER acted in Theater nor had ANY Theatrical training in my life.

On December 18^th, 2010, I made my Theatrical Debut in New York City. The Play was a major success. We had over 300 attendees the first night and even more (close to 400 people) the second. And that may just be the beginning…

This whole experience has impacted my life on so many different levels. Not only did it confirm the importance of being receptive to your inner voice, it confirmed that GOD is in control.  It taught me the significance of believing in yourself as well as your talents. It also solidified my Faith that much more and allowed me to officially call myself an “Actor.”

Your Heart is beating for a reason. All you have to do is listen and let it lead.

(For my video testimony and scenes from the Play, go to: http://www.youtube.com/reallyrega)

A Confirmation of my Testimony

In recognition of the 2 year anniversary of my move to NYC (Nov. 9th, 2010), I felt compelled to share my experiences up to this point. There’s a back story to everything that I am; from everything that I say and do to every song that I write. Not only is this a testimony as to why I say that I KNOW I am Chosen, but it is also a brief explanation of the INtangible reason why I moved to New York.

During the summer of ’07 when I still lived in Boston, I remember coming home from training my morning clients to take a ‘power nap’. My mother was doing her daily chores in the kitchen as I went to go lay down in my room. I remember closing my eyes…
…and that’s when ‘it’ happened. I had a revelation. It was like the movie trailer of my life flashed before my eyes. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my body. I felt my heart beating faster. I know I wasn’t asleep because I can still hear my mother cooking, the faucet running and the banging of pots and pans.  I ‘woke up’ to a cold sweat and heavy breathing. The LAST thing I remember seeing was “1108.”  I was so overwhelmed by this experience that I went to the calendar on my phone, scrolled to November 15th of 2008 (because it was the middle of the month and I didn’t get a vision of the exact day) and typed, “The Biggest Change of my Life will happen THIS Month.”

Almost exactly a year later (Summer of ’08), I started having dreams of moving to New York. At first, I couldn’t understand them because I didn’t have a physical reason to do so, but that didn’t matter because my Heart was confirming this “move.” I continued to follow my gut and began to research gym facilities and applying as a Personal Trainer. On October 31st, 2008, I was offered a position @ The Sports Club LA/NY on the Upper East Side.

However, there was still a problem. I didn’t have a place to live! Being that everything was ‘falling into place’ so quickly and I had already secured an income with my employment at the SCLA/NY, I decided that I was going to temporarily crash at my acting coach’s place until I had enough money to afford my own spot. But GOD had different plans. One of my closest friends, Cyrus [Da Zine], called me from Los Angeles the Friday before I was moving to New York. He told me that he was on tour with Redman and Method Man until late December/early January and that I can stay in his apartment for FREE, until I can get situated. He overnighted me his keys, I received them on Saturday, the day before my move, and I was on my way to “The Biggest Change of my Life.” It was Sunday, November 9th, 2008.

Since then I became ‘Top 10 Trainer’ of my gym (out of 85+ trainers total) in less than 8 months. I funded and coordinated my OWN event: the premiere of my music video, “Wrap Mc’s” (for pics and videos go to: www.facebook.com/reallyrega).  I moved to my own APARTMENT in Westchester from a ROOM in Queens. I invested in my OWN home studio, and was recently offered the leading role to a play that happens to be a close manifestation of My [True] Story.

(And this is only a synopsis.)

If this ain’t GOD, then I don’t know what is. A lot of people sometimes fail to recognize their blessings, including myself (as explained in the previous posting, “Self-Reflection at First Glance”).  But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that its your responsibility to prepare yourself for your blessings. This is why its so important to set ‘reminders’ to help you remember to remember that NOTHING is a ‘coincidence’, and EVERYTHING has its reason(s) and is a stepping stone towards your destiny.

This is why I’m SO focused. This is why I am SO grateful for EVERYONE that I’ve met and connected with on another level. This is why I’m SO spiritual. This is why I’m so humble; because I KNOW that I am a Living Testimony of GOD’s Grace.

Be open to Be Blessed then Be ready to Become.

Self-Reflection at First Glance

I sometimes forget that I’m human.  I often get lost in my thoughts or in my creative bubble.  I have repeatedly asked myself the “Why?” question, that in my opinion is the most self-defining question you can ask yourself when it is for your betterment.  For example, “Why am I the way that I am?”, “Why do I think the way that I do?”, “Why do I feel this way?”, and “Why did I react that way?”  It is NOT always easy to look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions, let alone put forth the effort to grow from the lesson(s) learned from them.

“Why?” is like the fire that solidifies metal, or like the pressure that creates a diamond.  This process is symbolic to what a person has to undergo to become their ‘Super-Self.’  However, it is unfortunate that this ‘pain’ is the most common way for most people to learn from their mistakes.  What is even more interesting is that not everyone is always aware that there is even anything ‘wrong’, starting with Myself.

For anybody that knows me knows that I speak Truth.  I am completely honest, and am sometimes even TOO honest.  But one day I asked myself, “What is ‘Truth?’”  My uncle did the best job at answering this question for me during one of our deep, intellectual conversations. He said: “The ‘Truth’ is your truth, my truth, and then there’s The Truth.”

Wow.  How real is that?!!

I’m the type of person that needs to put my hands in the fire to learn that it burns.   So even though the conversation with my uncle was impactful, I felt I had to experience an example of that lesson for it to really sink in, and bwoyyyyyyy, that I did.  About a month ago, I experienced what I call “one of the darkest and brightest times of my life.”  ‘Dark’ because of how overwhelmingly painful and draining this process was for me and ‘Bright’ because of the enlightenment, and the more powerful Man it helped me become.

I learned that you can Love and care for someone so much that you can focus all of your energy on THAT person’s flaws and weaknesses to help them become their full potential, but fail to recognize those same imperfections in yourself.  I learned the limitations one can place on themselves and/or relationships due to their own insecurities.   I learned that your ‘Truth’ is not always necessarily The Truth.  I learned how easy it is to be a blessing, but how hard it is to accept one.  I’ve learned that there are two levels of ‘knowing’: Objectively and Subjectively.  I’ve learned that ‘confidence’ is who you are, not what you can identify yourself to be.

I’m not afraid to share what I’ve learned from my experiences because I’ve LEARNED.  The greatest lesson of all is how important it is to be open, receptive and willing to learn and grow.  You’ll be surprised at yourself, literally.  Be Blessed.