Like A Bomb

I’m laying down on my couch watching a Documentary on Oprah’s channel, OWN, called “Louder than a Bomb” that I DVR’d about a week ago. It’s a show about 4 teenagers from Chicago, and their respective teams, competing in the world’s largest poetry slam. I am of course loving the show as I watch young, talented, inspired poets perform their pieces. At the very end of the show, and competition, there was a Spirit Award given to an 18 yr old kid who was recognized for his support, attending every single show and having touched the lives of so many people both with his talent and as a person. When his name was announced, the camera zooms towards his parents just in time to catch their reaction. I was surprised by my own [unexpected] reaction. My eyes got watery and my throat choked up…as the tears came down the side of my face, so did the inspiration to write this blog.

I literally have the show on pause as I’m writing this…

The genuine, loving reaction from this kid’s parents was a clear revelation for me. Eventhough I didn’t expect myself to get emotional watching a show about a poetry competition, I instantly understood why.

I realized the importance and significance of support from one’s mother and/or father. This helped me recognize the lack of support in my own life as a child. It also triggered a visual; a moment during a reunion this past Thanksgiving, with a family we grew very close to when we lived in Salem, MA. While catching up on our lives, they pulled out a VHS tape of my sister’s 8th grade graduation. At the graduation’s “after-party”, I saw my 7 yrs old-self standing in front of everyone in the kitchen, dancing and performing my ass off (literally). I have absolutely NO recollection of this whatsoever. As the handycam circles and captures everyone in the room, on one end, I noticed (and so significantly FELT) the pain and depression of my mother’s aura, and across from her, my “father’s” lack of love, support and disconnect that I felt my entire life and have grown to understand. Man…I felt so bad for that kid…

I am not writing this to complain about my upbringing nor for anyone to feel pity for me, but to share how I’ve come to recognize and embrace WHY I am how I am, WHO I’ve become thus far, and how I’ve learned to value the true meaning of empathy.

As cliche as it may sound, every single bit of everything we go through is for a reason. I believe that this reason is not only to build character, but also to learn how to be compassionate and empathetic to those who have gone through similar experiences. I believe we are taught to teach, hence why I am SO willing to be as vulnerable as I am, to give you the raw and absolute naked Eric De La Cruz, along with all of the “baggage” that comes with me, with the hopes of being a lesson to those who FEEL me.

Growing up with the lack of support that I did from a loved one has instilled the will in me to fight for my dreams and “attention I deserve.” It has also taught me that the lack of ability to show love and support is not that person’s “fault”, but the mere purpose to teach the lesson(s) they failed to recognize at the time.

So…I ask Life to keep trying to beat me up, my friends, family and strangers to tell and/or show me the why’s of my wrongs, and for God to continue to give me the strength and wisdom to turn all of those experiences into the stepping stones toward my ultimate purpose and the building blocks to the Unbreakable Me. I am NOT afraid. I am fearlessly willing to walk through the fires of Hell barefoot wearing a North Face coat and scarf with the faith in knowing what God has already promised me and with the intentions of passing that wisdom on to anyone who is prepared to receive it.

Every failure and “bad” experience is a blessing in disguise. Learn how to decipher and embrace it as such in order to pass that blessing forward.

God Bless.

Now let me finish watching the show…

My Birth Day

I overcame my very first obstacle on this 3rd day of January exactly 31 yrs ago. A few years back, out the blue, I was inspired to ask my mother the story behind the day I was born. I never had an incling about what I was about to hear. All I was looking for was factual information to write a song about a concept that came to mind.

I was born to a man that didn’t want anything to do with me, and a mother who didn’t want anything to do with him. My family moved back to the Dominican Republic from New York because my “father” grew tired of the states. While in DR, my mother found out she was pregnant with me and was considering an abortion because she didn’t want to have another baby by my abusive “father.” She visited a doctor in Bani to inquire information about abortions only to find out that he couldn’t do it. She then heard about her cousin living in Santo Domingo who recently had an abortion and went to visit her to ask her questions about the process, etc. One day while attending her, my mother’s cousin got up from bed to use the bathroom and left a trail of blood. This scared the *#%$ out my mother, so much that it changed her mind…and saved my Life.

How can I not believe I’m here for a purpose?

Happy Birthday to me.

The Power in Vulnerability

I remember having a conversation with a close relative about vulnerability. It was very interesting to find out that our definitions were completely opposite.  That person feels vulnerability has a negative connotation and is synonymous with being weak…I beg to differ.

I believe there is power in vulnerability. Vulnerability to me is like being naked.  Naked in the sense of being consciously defenseless, willingly open, but fully prepared for the experience (whether “negative” or positive) one is allowing themselves to be susceptible to. You have the choice to be vulnerable, and in that choice lies the wisdom, self-confidence, and power of vulnerability.  You can choose NOT take your clothes off, to NOT enter that relationship, and to NOT express yourself and your true feelings as a way of protecting yourself from the potential outcome of that experience.

To me, the fearlessness of allowing yourself to be vulnerable demonstrates your desire and willingness to grow and mature as a human being.  Character is built through experiences and wisdom is the result of that occurrence.  Because I am constantly seeking to better myself, I’ve learned to embrace the unknown with the faith that the findings will be the building blocks to the “Super-Me.”  Negativity is only what you perceive it to be.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable to the experiences that are meant to transform you to the Best-You.

Be Free.

The ImPerfectionist

I never thought that my determination for perfection would have its side-effects.  The self-diagnosis of this Perfectionist Syndrome is one that I’ve been struggling with for the past 30 years of my life and am now becoming aware of it. I have found it ironic how my drive to be and/or make things ‘perfect’ can motivate me to do some things and hinder my progress in others, but the most significant revelation in my strive to perfection is that I fail to recognize exactly what it is that I’m striving for (perfection).

Once the visual of me running in place subsided, I began to become more conscious of my symptoms.  I realized that a by-product of being a perfectionist is an unconscious fear of action. I realized that I’ve been afraid to record multiple tracks in fear that they wouldn’t come out as ‘perfect’ as I hear them in my head.  I realized that I can re-record a song a million times in effort to make it ‘perfect’, but then never feel comfortable releasing it because I’d always think I can make it better.  I realized that I look for fault in people and relationships due to my own expectations as a perfectionist, which then led me to recognize that a perfectionist does not know how to settle.

I understand that there is a very fine line between work ethic and the tedious traits of a perfectionist and I am still learning how to differentiate the two.  However, the realizations that I’ve listed and have learned to embrace have given me a sense of freedom from the imprisonment of my own un-productivity and procrastination.  I no longer strive for perfection because it’s an understood; I now strive to find a median.

Your perfect is not perfect, but it’s as perfect as it should be.

Background Music: Russian Roulette (REGAmix)

Background Music (bak-grownd myoo-zik) – noun:  the story and/or meaning behind a particular song written and recorded by REGA to provide listeners with an in-depth perspective of his songs, as well as a deeper appreciation for his music.

“You said that it was over but apparently it’s not,

don’t act like u didn’t hear it, when u know u heard him knock,

I told u from the jump, that u need to put a stop,

because if I do it your gonna be explaining to the cops…”

At the time, we were broken up. One of the main reasons for our separation was her jealous ex-boyfriend that was determined to make her life a living hell.  Throughout our relationship I repeatedly told her that she needed to do something about him before I did because I knew if I did, it wouldn’t be pretty.  She insisted that since she moved to her new apartment and told him to stop calling that they haven’t been in contact because he didn’t know where she lived.

That night, she invited me over to talk with hopes of patching things up between us.  The conversation was going very well until the door bell rings…She acted as if she didn’t hear it…and at this point, it was after midnight. My intuition told me it was him.

“…I vowed to never resemble my pops, so I never laid a finger on ya,

but I warned ya,

sticking my finger down your throat is the closest I ever got,

cuz I had to make u throw-up all of them pills u popped…”

She ran downstairs to get rid of him and begged me to stay upstairs.  I was fuming.  She lied to me and this was probably the worst way to find out.  Growing up in domestic violence, my insane instincts was trying to justify a legitimate reason for me to put my hands on her, but I was overcome by my sane side that reminded me that because my father was abusive to my mother, in every sense of the word, I would NEVER do or be that way to a significant other.  After a few minutes, she came back upstairs.  We began arguing at the top of our lungs and things got a bit out of control.  She was so overwhelmed by guilt that she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.  I tried to use that time to calm down, but my intuition spoke again.  I tried opening the bathroom door and realized it was locked.  I asked to come in, but she didn’t answer. I asked again and again, and still no answer.  I kicked down the door and saw her lying on the ground with pills scattered all over the floor.  I instinctively sat her up over the toilet and stuck my finger in her throat.  She threw up numerous pills.

“…u said that u were miserable, that I wasn’t showing I was feeling u,

emotional or physical and it was killing u,

but But BUT, I didn’t take it seriously,

I didn’t think u meant it literally,

I kno that ‘Love is Pain’, cuz I wrote the song,

and that pain can cause some suicidal thoughts (so),

spin the barrel, pull the trigger back, now the gun cocked,

be careful if its love, cuz u only have one shot.”

She has always complained that I wouldn’t be affectionate towards her. In turn, I thought of the possibility of her not being able to recognize and/or embrace affection, being that her first relationship, prior to ours, was an abusive one.  I sometimes felt as if I was suffering the consequences of her ex-man’s actions.  But on the other extreme, because of who I am and was to her, I also felt that I was with her for a reason.  Eventhough we had some good times, they were UNfortunately overshadowed by our bad ones.  I even wrote an original song about it called, “Love is Pain.”  If I were to ever release this song, it would be for a movie soundtrack…atleast that is what my Heart has always told me.

Today, she and I are still very close friends.

Looking back, I’ve realized so many defining things of myself.  Now that I’m much wiser, one of the most essential realizations that I’ve learned is that you attract people of like-energy.  That ‘person’ doesn’t necessarily have to be your significant other, but for the sake of this example, it is.  The only downside to that is that this ‘like-energy’ can be negative qualities such as insecurities, depression, and/or suicidal tendencies.  Ironically, people find comfort in the faulty traits they have in common. This became one of my many incentives to do some self-assessing and evaluating.

Don’t use your negative experiences as an explanation to justify your flaws and imperfections, use them as your inspiration for your betterment.

Be Wise.

(Listen to the Soundtrack  of this Blog, Russian Roulette (REGAmix) at: http://listn.to/reallyREGA)

The Text Message

I was having a conversation with someone very close to me yesterday. The subject matter had to do w/ HOW I say things and the possibility of my words being misinterpreted. I told this person that what I say, especially to ‘You,’ comes from a place of Love. I am only saying what I feel in my Heart, as I’ve always done and will continue to do. I was compelled to ask the question: “What if…what IF God…the same God we praise and believe in…is speaking through me? What IF? Would u still be this defensive?”

Late-er that night, before bed, I opened my Bible to read an excerpt that was given to me almost a week ago about Visions and Revelations. I’ve been meaning to read it, but just haven’t gotten around to it. I skimmed the Bible to find the Book of Proverbs, opened it to find the verse I was looking for (Proverbs 29:18) and the FIRST THING that pops out at me is: .

I immediately took a picture of the “Living Insight” and sent the person the text before I even got to what I was initially looking for.

‘Coincidences’ are one of God’s forms of communication.

Be Blessed.

The Prodigal Story: Art Imitating Life

It was the second time I’d ever been to this church, Crenshaw Christian Center East (CCC East). I was undergoing one of the most trying times of my Life and felt the need to seek answers, seek Truth, and seek GOD. One of the many awakening revelations I experienced during this time was the realization that I took GOD for granted for a very long time. This [realization] was my initiative to make a conscious effort to change the habit of placing GOD in a drawer whenever it was convenient for me. It’s ironic how one of my darkest phases became the catalyst to one of the most significant transformations of my Life.

I was sitting in the very front row with my Acting Coach, Tony Felton, listening to [Pastor] Uncle Baltimore give the announcements of the day. He mentioned that the Arts Ministry was looking for Actors for the Christmas Play and when he did, my heart reacted like a metal detector beeping at a steel breast plate on my chest. I looked up at him with a contradictory face of surprised confusion. Tony leaned over to me and said, “I feel compelled to sign up, are you going to join me?” I looked back at him, and with an uncertain tone said, “Nah…I don’t want to commit to anything right now…”

At the end of service when everyone was dismissed, my man Marlon walked up to greet me. I met and clicked with him the day before at a Men’s Fellowship Luncheon sponsored by the church. As we’re talking, from the corner of my eye, I noticed a man weaving through human traffic from all the way in the back of the church looking DIRECTLY at me. He was looking SO HARD at me, that I started to feel uncomfortable. When he finally got to me, he introduced himself, “Hi, my name is Jesse Kearney and I’m the writer of the Play. The Spirit led me to you. Please tell me you’re going to sign up for the play…?” My Heart reacted again. I’ve NEVER met this man and even though my Heart was uneasy from what I was about to say, I responded, “Hmm…nah…but my man Tony is though!” Jesse looked at Tony then back at me and said, “Yea, but what about YOU?!!”

He walked away to lead Tony to the sign-up sheet while I wrapped up my conversation with Marlon. As Tony and I got ready to leave, my Heart stopped me. It still felt uneasy, unsettled. So I turned around and said, “T, give me a few, I need to go talk to Jesse real quick…”

I walked up to Jesse and asked him to give me the background of play. He said, “The Play is a modernized version of the Biblical story, ‘The Prodigal Son’, where the [younger] brother receives his portion of his father’s inheritance [money] TO RECORD A DEMO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BECOME A HIP-HOP ARTIST!!” (WHHHAAAAAATTT?!!) I sigh and look down in amazement and say…”…My dude, that’s me…I AM the Prodigal Son…” Jesse then looked back at me with a confident, ‘Dude, I know! I told you the Spirit led me to you!’ attitude and said exactly that. At that point in time, I made the internal commitment to take on the LEAD ROLE in, “Sinners and Saints: A Prodigal Story.”

On December 18^th, 2010, I made my Theatrical Debut in New York City. The Play was a major success. We had over 300 attendees the first night and even more (close to 400 people) the second. And that may just be the beginning…

This whole experience has impacted my life on so many different levels. Not only did it confirm the importance of being receptive to your inner voice (Heart), it confirmed that GOD is in control.  It taught me the significance of believing in yourself as well as your talents. It solidified my Faith that much more and it has allowed me to officially call myself an “Actor.”

Your Heart is beating for a reason. All YOU have to do is BElieve.

(For my VIDEO testimony and ALL scenes from the Play, click the following link: http://www.youtube.com/reallyrega)

A Confirmation of my Testimony

In recognition of the 2 year anniversary of my move to NYC (Nov. 9th, 2010), I felt compelled to share my experiences up to this point. There’s a back story to everything that I am; from everything that I say and do to every song that I write. Not only is this a testimony as to why I say that I KNOW I am Chosen, but it is also a brief explanation of the INtangible reason why I moved to New York.

During the summer of ’07 when I still lived in Boston, I remember coming home from training my morning clients to take a ‘power nap’. My mother was doing her daily chores in the kitchen as I went to go lay down in my room. I remember closing my eyes…
…and that’s when ‘it’ happened. I had a ‘visual revelation.’ It was like the ‘Trailer of my Life’ flashed before my eyes. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my body. I felt my heart beating faster. I know I wasn’t asleep because I can still hear my mother cooking, the faucet running and the banging of pots and pans.  I ‘woke up’ to a cold sweat and heavy breathing. The LAST thing I remember seeing was “1109.”  I was so overwhelmed by this ‘experience’ that I went to the calendar on my phone, scrolled to November 15th of 2008 (because it was the middle of the month and I didn’t get a vision of the exact day) and typed, “The Biggest Change of my Life will happen THIS Month.”

Almost exactly a year later (Summer of ’08), I started having dreams of moving to New York. At first, I couldn’t understand them because I didn’t have a physical reason to do so, but that didn’t matter because my Heart was confirming this ‘move.’ I continued to follow my gut and began to research gym facilities and applying as a Personal Trainer. On October 31st, 2008, I was offered a position @ The Sports Club LA/NY on the Upper East Side.

However, there was still a problem. I didn’t have a place to live! Being that everything was ‘falling into place’ so quickly and I had already secured an income with my employment at the gym, I decided that I was going to temporarily crash at my acting coach’s place until I had enough money to afford my own spot. But GOD had different plans. One of my closest friends, Cyrus Da Zine, called me from LA TWO DAYS before I was moving to New York. He told me that he was on tour with Redman and Method Man until late December/early January and that I can stay in his apartment for FREE, until I can get situated. He overnighted me his keys, and I was on my way to “The Biggest Change of my Life.” It was November 9th, 2008.

Since then I became ‘Top 10 Trainer’ of my gym (out of 85+ trainers total) in less than 8 months. I funded and coordinated my OWN event: the premiere of my music video, “Wrap Mc’s” (for pics and videos go to: www.facebook.com/reallyrega).  I moved to my own APARTMENT in Westchester from a ROOM in Queens. I invested in my OWN home studio, and was recently offered the leading role to a play that happens to be a close manifestation of My [True] Story.

(And this is only a synopsis.)

If this ain’t GOD, then I don’t know what is. A lot of people sometimes fail to recognize their blessings, including myself (as explained in the previous posting, “Self-Reflection at First Glance”).  But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that its your responsibility to prepare yourself for your blessings. This is why its so important to set ‘reminders’ to help you remember to remember that NOTHING is a ‘coincidence’, and EVERYTHING has its reason(s) and/or is a stepping stone towards your destiny.

This is why I’m SO focused. This is why I am SO grateful for EVERYONE that I’ve met and connected with on another level. This is why I’m SO spiritual. This is why I’m so humble; because I KNOW that I am a Living Testimony of GOD’s Grace.

Be open to Be Blessed then Be ready to Become.

Self-Reflection at First Glance

I sometimes forget that I’m human.  I often get lost in my thoughts or in my creative bubble.  I have repeatedly asked myself the “Why?” question, that in my opinion is the most self-defining question you can ask yourself when it is for your betterment.  For example, “Why am I the way that I am?”, “Why do I think the way that I do?”, “Why do I feel this way?”, and “Why did I react that way?”  It is NOT always easy to look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions, let alone put forth the effort to grow from the lesson(s) learned from them.

“Why?” is like the fire that solidifies metal, or like the pressure that creates a diamond.  This process is symbolic to what a person has to undergo to become their ‘Super-Self.’  However, it is unfortunate that this ‘pain’ is the most common way for most people to learn from their mistakes.  What is even more interesting is that not everyone is always aware that there is even anything ‘wrong’, starting with Myself.

For anybody that knows me knows that I speak ‘Truth.’  I am completely honest, and am sometimes even TOO honest.  But one day I asked myself, “What is ‘Truth?’”  My uncle did the best job at answering this question for me during one of our deep, intellectual conversations. He said: “The ‘Truth’ is your truth, my truth, and then there’s The Truth.”

Wow.  How real is that?!!

I’m the type of person that needs to put my hands in the fire to learn that it burns.   So even though the conversation with my uncle was impactful, I felt I had to experience an example of that lesson for it to really sink in, and bwoyyyyyyy, that I did.  About a month ago, I experienced what I call “one of the darkest and brightest times of my life.”  ‘Dark’ because of how overwhelmingly painful and draining this process was for me and ‘Bright’ because of the enlightenment, and the more powerful Man it helped me become.

I learned that you can Love and care for someone so much that you can focus all of your energy on THAT person’s flaws and weaknesses to help them become their full potential, but fail to recognize those same imperfections in yourself.  I learned the limitations one can place on themselves and/or relationships due to their own insecurities.   I learned that your ‘Truth’ is not always necessarily The Truth.  I learned how easy it is to be a blessing, but how hard it is to accept one.  I’ve learned that there are two levels of ‘knowing’: Objectively and Subjectively.  I’ve learned that ‘confidence’ is who you are, not what you can identify yourself to be.

I’m not afraid to share what I’ve learned from my experiences because I’ve LEARNED.  The greatest lesson of all is how important it is to be open, receptive and willing to learn and grow.  You’ll be surprised at yourself, literally.  Be Blessed.

The Inspiration behind the Inspiration

For the past few months, I have been collecting inspirational text messages and/or emails from family and friends as a motivational ‘reminder’ when times got a little overwhelming. I created a memo in my Blackberry Bold for quick access as well as a folder on my computer for back up.  The ‘funny’ part is that I never intended to share these messages with the world being that they were so personal to me.

I remember having a conversation with a very dear friend of mine, Joe Bauer.  He asked me if I ever thought about doing a Blog about my life and/or inspirations, and if so, he KNEW that people would read it, including himself.  Being that I have had the vision of ‘returning the favor’ by inspiring others with the experiences that have inspired me, this conversation with Joe was my confirmation that I should do it.

I entitled this blog, “The People Have Spoken,” as a figure of speech, to indicate that the people (my family and friends) have spoken their truth and as a result, have made me feel like a ‘King.’  (However, since this posting, the title has changed and will possibly continue to do so because of the consistent realization that the purpose of this Blog is continuously evolving.)  The creation of this blog is my way of accepting the challenges and responsibilities that come with being a ‘chosen’ Man of God…and of course of ‘my people.’

To make it all the more personal, I will be writing as the man behind the many talents, Eric De La Cruz.  I can’t guarantee that the grammar will always be on point, but I do promise that every single word you read will be the absolute Truth.  I hope this blog will give my readers and fans an even more in-depth look at my life, a deeper understanding of my music and a greater appreciation of the Lifestyle Brand: REGA.

I want to thank God, YOU (the person reading this right now), and my brother Joe Bauer for the conversation that confirmed it all.  I pray that this will serve as an inspirational platform for every one of you to continue to build your individual destiny on.  Be Blessed and let’s get it!